We were driving. The clouds hung low, and the rain was pelting hard on our windscreen. I’m not sure where we were heading.

We were just leaving our house, on the side road, trying to turn into the main road. The lane was full though, so we knew we’d be waiting a while. Cars whizzed by, spraying water across the sidewalks. Then we saw the traffic lights turn red, and the traffic slowed and came to a stop.

There was still no way for us to get onto that main road. Cars were closely lined up for a long while. We both leaned back in the car, readying ourselves for a long wait.

But then something very unexpected happened.

This old man, whose car sat in front of us on the main road blocking us, saw us and jolted up. He quickly reversed back his car to make space for us to enter the road, smiling apologetically at us.

We grinned back at him, gave him a big thumbs up and then slowly inched into the main road.

The rain continued pelting down, but our hearts felt warm. That was really nice of him, we nodded to eachother.

—

The journey continued. We carried on driving on that main road. It may have been 10 or 15 minutes later, the road had emptied up and so that it became just us, the sky and its pelting rain.

Suddenly a car speeds across us from a side road. We were merely inches away. My husband brakes hard and we are both jolted out of our seats. We had both seen the young lad. He hadn’t looked before making his way and if my husband hadn’t sharply braked it would’ve been bad.

My husband beeped hard at him. The guy, still driving at his manic speed, turns in his seat and starts swearing and waving his hands at us. Then he’s off with the wind before we can say anything else.

We carry on driving. My heart is still in my throat from the near-accident. And on top of that, I can’t stop thinking about the guy. The way he was shouting at is, the way his hands were poking a at us as though we were the ones that were in the wrong. I kept replaying the incident in my head, again and again.

What a scary day, we grumbled to each other.

—

We continued driving. It was maybe another 10 minutes later when suddenly the image of the old man grinning at us comes to mind – the moment of kindness from the start of our drive.

And I froze.

Because it hit me how I’d already forgotten that. How I’d framed my day as ‘scary’ because of this one bad incident that was playing on my mind again and again.

I’m so sorry, Ya Allah, for being so ungrateful.

Human nature and Allah’s wisdom

I couldn’t stop thinking about this incident and it took me back to the final verse of Surah Duha.

When I used to read this verse before, it didn’t fully click for me. If I keep talking about Allah’s blessings, wasn’t that me bragging about what I’ve been given?  Wasn’t that something we’re told not to do? In a previous letter, I wrote to you all about one reflection I’ve had from this verse.

But this incident made me reflect on this verse again.

As human beings, we have a tendency to focus on the negative moments of our life over the positive. This tendency (I found out) actually has a name - negativity bias. For example, you might be having a great morning with your family, having your favourite breakfast and a lovely morning walk. But then you step onto your bus for your commute, and the bus driver rolls his eyes at you. The receptionist at work ignores your ‘good morning’ on your way in. When you get to your desk and a colleague asks how your morning was, you reply that it was terrible…completely forgetting the lovely time you had just a few hours ago.

The cool thing is, some research shows that this may be a part of our nature as being more attuned to bad things meant that we were more likely to survive threats (back in our caveman years).

Maybe that is why Allah knew we needed this verse.

Why we need this verse

It’s easy to talk and mull over the crappy bus driver, the grumpy receptionist, the childhood trauma. But how often do we reflect over and ‘go on’ about the lovely receptionist, the bus driver that called you dear, the nostalgic moments of childhood?

We don’t. But although it is ok to let off some steam about the hardships in your day, the worrying thing about that it can cloud our judgment of our own life. It becomes easier to feel like nothing is going right and every day is dull, grey and horrible. As a result, it becomes easier and easier to become ungrateful to our Lord.

That is why I fell in love with this verse even more today! Because Allah doesn’t just tell us to ‘be grateful for His blessings’ here. He, the One who Knows us truly, the One who Loves us the most, tells us to ‘proclaim’, ‘talk’ about the blessings He has given you.

Why? Because when we talk about the good moments in our day, we are not allowing those moments to disappear. We are identifying them and marking them in our memories, allowing us to continuously appreciate them. We are not allowing the negativity bias take lead of our lives.

--

How to proclaim your blessings

Although talking about the good moments of your day is a perfect way to remind yourself of how beautiful and blessed your life is, I wanted to share one other way that I find that really has helped me.

Writing your good moments

Yess, I mean journaling (I know you’re wondering, not again!). We tend to use our journals as a place to rant and pour out our emotions. But one thing I started doing many years ago was to end any journal entry with 3 moments of shukr during the day.

Another way is to make a memory jar! Jot down a good moment at the end of every day and pop it inside your jar.

The reason why I love writing out the good moments is that it helps you on your difficult, hard days. On those days where everything feels like it is going wrong, all you need to do is flip back a few pages in your journal or pick out a memory from your jar, and you are reminded straight away - how blessed you are by Allah.

Jazakallah khair for reading till here! 🤍 If you found this beneficial or helpful, please do share it with your friends and family.

See you next week, my dear.

From your sis,

Thasneema 🌻

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