Assalamualaikum my dear,

How have you been? The past few weeks have been a difficult time for me, but alhamdulillah it’s helped me reflect more which is always a blessing.

If you didn’t know, my grandad, may Allah have mercy on him, passed away on Monday evening. We were able to visit him just before his death, which was a huge blessing. But his death was still a shock to us all. (if you’d like to read my personal thoughts this past week, click here)

I wasn’t too sure if I’d be able to write something for you all today, but subhanallah, I really wanted to share something profound I was reflecting on

A difficult old age

The other day, after receiving the news of uppa, I was sitting with my husband and reflecting.

Towards the end of his life, uppa had become really lonely. It was from an unexpected way too - his hearing deteriorated. This meant when people were around him, including when we went to visit visit, it was difficult for him to converse. For uppa, long conversations about news, world and books were his way of connecting. Not being able to partake in conversation , not even being able to keep up with what was happening in the room was too much for uppa. He really struggled and as a result, it made him withdraw from all his loved ones.

It always hurt to imagine uppa in that big old home on his own, but sometimes it hurt just as much being there with him, seeing him so quiet and withdrawn.

And when I shared that thought with my husband- how in a way, Allah taking him from here is Him almost saving him from that loneliness, my husband responded so powerfully -

‘I don’t think uppa was every lonely for too long. In some ways he was luckier than any of us.’

I sat there shocked for a second. What do you mean?!

‘Imagine being able to spend that much time with the Quran?’

Subhanallah, how true that was.

—

A beautiful habit picked

Uppa, towards the latter years of his life, had picked up the habit to recite a full Quran every few days. Anytime we’d walk into his room we would see him on his chair with his tablet. Anytime I was on the phone with him, he’d be telling me he was reading the Quran.

Uppa always had a connection with the Quran, but nothing drove him more towards it than the isolation he felt from the world. His difficulty in hearing, his inability to partake in conversations with people drove him to converse with his Lord instead..

—

And then umma, his wife passed away.

When umma passed away, we were all so worried that uppa would spiral. That he wouldn’t be able to function back to normal. That he would fall into depression or something worse.

But after his time of grieving, uppa did go back to normal. He continued and even increased his time with the Quran, his time in the masjid.

I remember him telling us during the few days after ummas death that he felt so much regret that he hadn’t done enough for umma. That day, we’d comforted him and reminded him how he could still do so much for umma while he was alive, mainly through his Quran. I remember seeing a sense of contentment from uppa after hearing that. He never mentioned it explicitly to us. But maybe his sustained connection with the Quran after ummas death, his strength in continuing forward was the fact that he was able to benefit umma in her death.

Maybe the loneliness had pushed him to find peace and companionship with his Lord instead.

—

With difficulty there is ease

When a difficulty is placed on us, we find it easy to complain, to throw our hands to Allah and just beg Him to remove us from this situation. We just want out, we hate the idea of being tested.

But we forget that with every difficulty is ease. And like Allah repeats it to us in Surah Inshirah, I repeat it to myself and you today -

And it’s upto us to find that ease. Its up to us to find that blessing in disguise.

It’s up to us to remember Allah is Al Wali (The Loving Friend), Ar Rahman (The Most Merciful), Al Wadud (The All Loving) - that He will never give us more than we can bear. That He only tests those He loves.

That He tests us to bring us closer to Him.

Subhanallah, from the outside, it looked like uppa lived a very sad lonely life. I used to wonder how he managed it but it finally makes sense now. But now reflecting back, in some ways uppa was a very lucky man. The trials that were given to uppa seemed difficult and painful. But they ended up as a blessing for him.

Allah removed his hearing, removed the people around him to give uppa the tawfiq to stay in solitude with his Lord.

And uppa chose to see the blessing of the difficulty placed on him. He used the difficulty to get closer to his Lord.

—

Companion in the grave

I write todays letter to you from a place of peace today.

Because realising the tawfiq Allah gave uppa, makes me realise that he will be less lonely there than he ever was here. Because when old age forced loneliness upon him, uppa never succumbed to it. Instead he turned that loneliness into a time of solitude with his Lord. He turned to the Quran, spending every free minute with it. And thats how he spent his last days on his hospital bed too, in constant remembrance of his Lord.

And just like he turned to the Quran to keep him companionship in his life, now the Quran will come to him to give him company in the grave, just like the Prophet (s) told us-

I pray Allah grants us the tawfiq to be granted the companionship of our Quran in our graves.

—

And I ask Allah to forgive him and have mercy on him. To expand for his grave and grant him the company of the Quran that he accompanied in this life. And reunite us all in the highest ranks of paradise.

Ameen, ya Rabb.

PS. Please keep my grandparents in your prayers 🤍

Until next time,

Thasneema 🌻