Life Carries On

Friday, 1:43 pm — 17 minutes to the deadline. I press submit to hand in my final paper, lean back on my chair and let out a gleeful laugh. It’s done. I did it! My life as an undergraduate accounting student comes to an end.

My eyes catch sight of the clock again. 1:45 pm. Shoot, I’m going to be late. I jump out of my chair, scream salaams to the family and I’m out the door racing my way to the bus stop, tackling my hijab whilst simultaneously tugging on my #freepalestine bracelets. BAE systems, we’re coming.

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Life carries on.

I’ve always wondered what that moment would feel like, of officially completing compulsory education (yes compulsory, because we’re Asian). Of handing in my final exam paper (or pressing the final submit button because #covidvibes). It seemed like an impossible, almot surreal, moment whilst slogging through A levels 4 years ago. To be honest, it felt nearly impossible whilst I was sat in front of my laptop that very morning at 3 am trying to churn out 4500 words.

But at 1:45pm when I jumped out of the chair, I realised wow things had changed. Yes, it felt awesome to finish my degree, and I’m full of gratitude to my Lord for helping me through it but now we’re on the other side and…life carries on. I realised this degree was only one of the many things I held important to me. Somewhere along these years, formal education was no longer my focal point.

I remember a time when it was the focal point. Exam season would come around and my life would go on pause. Exam season would end and I’d collpase with my laptop in bed ‘to recover’. But it’s been two days now and my laptop remains safely near my desk.

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This shift gives me hope about my future, but it also worries me. It gives me hope that I can safely enter the corporate world and not fall into the trap of it being my only focal point, inshaAllah. It gives me hope that, with the help of Allah, I can excel at a corpotate job and still pursue all that I want alongside.

But it worries me because…have I forgotten how to rest? Life during covid was exhausting because it became nearly impossible to disconnect from the online world. I couldn’t wait to finish the academic year to disconnect and just dream around in my own world. But now I’m here, there’s so much I want to do and accomplish, I can’t imagine disconnecting.

Do I need to rest? Should I halt life and take an intentional break? Or is having breaks just an overstatemment? Maybe I’ll never know.