Assalamualaikum my dear,

I always feel really guilty writing to you in a time where I don’t feel very… spiritually motivated. I’m not sure how to describe it but I feel a bit…distant from everything.

It feels wrong to share things from my prayer mat when I’m barely making my way onto it. It feels extremely wrong sharing a Quranic reflection when it’s been too long since I’ve managed to open my own Quran journal. And although there’s a pile of drafts I could edit and send out from months ago, I’m not comfortable sharing them without being honest about how I feel today.

Life has had lots of ups and downs recently, mainly with me just falling sick a lot more often than normal, leading me to feeling like I’m chasing my tail to catch up on things after I recover… only to fall sick again.

But then I realised today (on the day the newsletter is meant to go out!) that…I’m sure I’m not the only one who goes through these phases of low imaan.

And I wanted to share the two thing that helps me the most during these times.

If you’re in a good place spiritually, honestly I’m not sure if todays letter will do much for you. But if you find yourself in a similar place like me, I pray a few of the things that have been helping me might help you too.

—

Knowing there will be phases

When I was younger, whenever I stopped being able to have any sort of khushu in my salaah, whenever I stopped feeling wowed by every speech or tafsir - whenever I stopped feeling that spiritual high…I thought I was doing something wrong. I thought maybe I was committing a new sin without realising or maybe I had upset Allah…maybe I’d really messed up.

But then I came across this hadith and honestly it made me feel so much better -

Obviously the spiritual rut the sahabahs are describing are a completely different level to ours! But it was just the principle that the Prophet (s) set down that brought a calm upon me - that there will be fluctuations in your iman. And that’s ok.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t hold ourselves accountable. Sinning or not completing our obligations could very much be the reason that we are feeling spiritually depleted. And so it is vital to take some time to reflect on what’s changed in our systems and habits over the past few weeks.

But what if you’ve done that check and you can’t seem to pinpoint on where you messed up? Then at that point, maybe it really is just a low iman phase.

I used to see this ‘low iman phase’ as a punishment (nauthubillah), but now I see this phase as a test.

Alhamdulillah.

Which takes me to the second thing that helps me.

Continuing your good deeds

Don’t worship your feelings. You don’t worship Allah because it feels good, you worship Him because He told you to.

I hope I haven’t completely butchered this above quote. I remember hearing it from a teacher and it actually blew my mind. (If you know what quote I’m talking about, please do reply with it!)

Let’s be honest, staying consistent with all your acts of worship when things are going well is easy. Turning up on to your prayer mats on time, completing your daily adkhar and attending your weekly classes is easy. All of it makes you feel more fulfilled, content and…good.

And that good feeling is what excites you back into that act of worship later too. That spiritual high you feel is what motivates you to carry on and do more.

But when you don’t feel good, when you really can’t be bothered…what happens then?

The low iman phase is a test from Allah to see - what were you really chasing? Was it really Allahs pleasure? Or was it the spiritual highs and the good vibes?

And so although I absolutely dread these spiritual ruts, I’m learning to appreciate them a bit more and be more grateful to them.

It’s becoming a way to reorient my reasons for striving in my worship. And I’m grateful for that.

—

So Sis,

If you find yourself experiencing a bit of an iman low recently, I pray these 2 things that are helping me might help you too.

I pray it gives you comfort to know that this is a phase and it will soon pass. And I pray you feel motivated to use this phase to continue with all the small deeds you do, to show yourself and your Lord that this was always for Him. And Him alone.

Signing out by sharing a dua that is going to really be our companion during this time (and beyond) -

Until next time,
Thasneema 🌻