Assalamualalikum my dear,

How are you? How have you been? 

I realise I disappeared from here for a while! I was meant to simply change my schedule from weekly to bi-weely letters, but things rapidly got busy after. I had my course exams, a busy 2 weeks abroad in India and I’ve just about settled back into normal life now. 

I’m so sorry for not keeping you in the loop and a huge jazakallah khair to all of you for checking in on me during this time. It really means a lot.

—

This year I feel like I made a huge breakthrough for myself on the topic of discipline. It feels like I cracked the code to become more disciplined, and it was something a lot more simple than I was expecting. I’m going to be sharing a few jumbled thoughts, so stay with me!

If you’ve been following me over the past year, on Instagram or my blog or elsewhere, you might have seen me talk a lot more about my Hifdh this year. I've written a lot more about my journey with it (more than usual), and one of the main reasons for that is because I decided I wanted to make it my top priority.

The Background

I completed my memorisation of the Quran many years ago, but unfortunately, my Hifdh is not where I want it to be. My memory is rather weak for certain parts and I've been on a mission for years to make it as strong as possible.

When I say years, I mean it. Every year, as I sit down to plan my goals, ‘Hifdh’ is always one of my top goals. I plan out a roadmap for the year so that by the time next Ramadan comes, I would be able to get my Hifdh to the standard I want it. Every year, I would firmly decide that 'this year, I was going to put my head down and really concentrate on my Hifdh.’ And every year, I would try out a different strategy to help me accomplish it. 

From planning out my daily schedules to calculating the number of pages I needed to review per day, from finding a Hifdh buddy to a Hifdh teacher - every year I would try figure out another nitty gritty detail I could focus on to help me reach my Hifdh goal. 

But Ramadan would come around, and for some reason, I would’ve made little progress…yet again. Year after year, this continued. At times, it felt like I was making progress and I'd be over the moon. But just a few months or so later, I'd get lazy, miss days of Hifdh and it would feel like I took a few steps back again.

The New Beginning

It was now 2023, and the year was slowly coming to an end. It had been nearly 10 years since I’d completed my Hifdh, and yet…my Hifdh was not where I wanted it to be.

10 years of having Hifdh as a 'top priority' and it felt like I had made no progress.

I must be the most undisciplined person out there, I thought.

But while I sat there, filled with emotions of disappointment, frustration and anguish, a beautiful friend texted me something I didn’t know I needed so much.

She texted me saying that the first ever Quran Revision Day for girls in the North West of the UK had been finalised. It was a day Huffadh could come and recite as much of the Quran as they wanted to the qualified Hifdh teachers there.

As much as we wanted? So I could recite the full Quran if I wanted? 

I was in absolute shock for a second, because it felt like Allah heard my thoughts - thoughts of despair, of self loathing, of wanting to do better. And He answered me right there and then. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach. 

Then she texted me the date - a week before Ramadan 2024.

My bubble of elation popped. What? That’s too little time. There was no way I could get ready to recite the full Quran by then.

But there was no way I was waiting another year. So I pulled up the link, and with a small whispered bismillah, I signed up.

It sounds crazy but, honestly, I almost immediately felt this shift. Suddenly, I felt like I had purpose with my Hifdh. 

It’s hard to describe this shift. Before that moment, over these past 10 years of reviewing my Hifdh, it felt like I was in a car… just driving. Driving down a lonely path uphill. I knew there was a beautiful destination somewhere, but I had no urgency to get there as soon as. No one was waiting for me there and no one was with me to push me forward.  And so I carried on driving, taking a break when I felt like, starting and stopping, hoping to eventually get there.

But now, there was urgency. I needed to get there by a certain date. 

I had a goal. And there was a deadline.

The Secret Ingredient

The three months that followed showed me the crucial need for this ingredient I'd been missing for the past 10 years or so. This time, when I wrote down Hifdh as my top priority, it really became it. No day ended without me finishing my Hifdh portion, regardless of how busy or tired I was. 

The day arrived and although I wasn’t able to hit my goal, I recited more than I ever have - 12 ajza in one day. It marked a new accomplishment and it taught me a huge lesson - discipline isn't about just being headstrong and dragging yourself to hit those goals. 

Discipline is about creating the system that will make you push yourself forward to your goal. 

I remember hearing this in a recent podcast I was listening to (I'm unable to remember what podcast it was, so a huge apology for that!) 

Hearing that statement was such an 'aha' moment, because I couldn’t think of anything more true even in my own life.

I’ve seen it with the most disciplined people around me. I think of my father - he’s someone who doesn’t have WhatsApp on his main phone, no TV at home, no Netflix subscription, etc. I used to see him as someone strict, but now I see him as someone very self aware. My dad loves movies, he loves just chilling back on the sofa scrolling on his phone. But he’s created an environment that prevents him from getting distracted. As a result, he’s able to maintain his discipline. He’s the perfect example of not trying to be strong, but instead creating systems to battle his weaknesses.

Battling your weakness

For myself, I realised that day - my biggest weakness was that I got lazy if I didn’t have a bit of pressure. If I didn’t have a goal and deadline, I found it difficult to stay as consistent .

It was why I could pass exams easily but failed to stay consistent in the gym. It was why I was able to complete my Hifdh and become a Hafidha, but struggled to stay consistent in my review of it. 

This meant I needed to create systems where I had that small external push. It wasn’t enough for me to have a Hifdh teacher, it wasn’t enough for me to create a routine - I needed a competition or an exam to make me stay focused. 

6 months later, as I write for you today, I can confidently say that I have never been more disciplined with my Hifdh than these past few months, alhamdulillah. (And I pray Allah continues to grant me ease and tawfik in this!) That one push has propelled me to stay consistent, unlike ever before. And even though the next Quran Revision Day is nearly another 6 months away, just that little push is what keeps me coming back to my Quran consistently. 

The biggest reason why I really wanted to share this finding with you today is because of how I’ve been using this for other parts of my life too. I mentioned how I’ve never been able to stay consistent with the gym. After realising my weakness, I decided it was time to sign up to a 5k. And it’s crazy subhanallah, but I actually enjoy my gym routines now (So stay tuned for that journey 🙂!)

I’m not saying the secret to discipline is to have that external push yourself.  (Although, I do think we sometimes underestimate the power of it!) But, maybe you’re someone who works worse under deadlines or stress. So, the secret to discipline isn’t ‘the external push’. I think more than that, ithe secret to staying disciplined is to find your weakness. Find out what stops you from staying disciplined. And create a system to counter that.

I think so much of the time we think the reason we can’t achieve our goals is because we think we’re not mentally strong enough to be disciplined. We’ve seen ourselves fail again and again and again. We’ve tried gym but gave up on day 3, we’ve tried starting Hifdh but stopped on day 2. We just seem like really weak people to ourselves.But the thing we’re doing wrong is not having an honest conversation with ourselves about our weaknesses. We don’t create those systems to stay disciplined. 

So Sis,

If you’ve been wanting to start your Hifdh, or perfect your Hifdh like myself, or lose weight or improve your presentation skills. If you’ve been trying to achieve a goal and you find yourself just not getting anywhere closer to it, maybe it's time for you to sit with yourself and figure out what's stopping you. Maybe it’s time to work in your own favour.

(Or also, maybe its time to challenge yourself with a bit of a push!)

—

Jazakallah khair for reaching the end of this letter!

I hope we get to meet each other in the next one too. Until then, if you have any thoughts about what you’ve just read let me know. I’d love to start a conversation!

Until next week (or the week after!).

From your sis,

Thasneema 🌻