Assalamualaikum my dear, 

How have you been these 2 weeks? It's so hard to believe that it is already the end of the summer, subhanallah! The days are shortening, the sun is getting ready to hibernate - autumn is definitely in the air.

And with the breeze of autumn around the corner, along with it comes the crisp smell of new beginnings - school, university, graduate schemes. So many nerves, so much excitement.

I wanted to write about new beginnings today, and as I sat there wondering what to share with you, I was taken back to this random incident that happened at a local mosque sometime ago.

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The story that prompted my reflections

It was after Salatul Magrib. We had stopped at a nearby mosque to quickly pray and go out for dinner after. I had just finished my sunnahs and was getting up to leave when I saw the young girl dressed in a mink-coloured jilbab sitting a few places away from me, smiling up at me. When she saw I'd noticed her, her smile widened.

Did I know her?

Assalamualikum, I greet her, almost hoping she'd give away how she knew me because my bad memory was not helping at that moment!

Waalaykum salaam, she replied, still with that beautiful smile on her face.

What's up? I asked her, still not wanting to give away that I had no idea who she was.

I saw her brows furrow in thought, seeing her mentally debate with herself whether she should bring up whatever was on her mind or not.

What advice would you give someone who's starting a new school soon?

A part of me wanted to advise her not to ask any randomer for life advice lol.

But another part of me couldn’t help but smile.

Are you starting at a new school soon, I ask. Memories of nerves, excitement and fear flood me as I remember back to all the times I sat on my bed the night before I began a new school.

Yes, I'm starting high school this September.

The past 25 years of my life flashed by to all the new places I'd started at - the kid with her bright yellow salwar at her white British primary school, to a few years later, the kid with the cool British accent in the Indian school. To starting university not once but twice, to the first time I swiped my employee card into my new office space. So many moments of new beginnings. 

And as I landed back into the dimly lit mosque, with its lush carpets and beautiful inscriptions, I knew immediately the one piece of advice I'd give anyone who was starting anything new. A piece of advice I wish I took more seriously earlier on.

‘Choose your friends wisely. Stay close to friends who remind you of Allah, who love you for your Islam, who want better for you in the Hereafter.

Or choose to stay with yourself.’

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Choose good company or choose solitude

It’s easier said than done. Especially to a 12 year old just starting high school.

To be honest, it's easier said than done for any of us, regardless of our age. When you walk through a door into a new room full of new faces, all you want is to be able to feel like you are part of this crowd. You don’t want to be on your own. You don’t want to feel like an outsider. 

As you make your way to the rows of students or the rows of desks in the office, all you are looking for is any friendly face that you could go plonk yourself next to. The teeniest of smiles is enough for you to feel relief.

And that's ok, that's normal. Every one of us wants to feel accepted, as part of the crowd. No one wants to feel different.

Social acceptance is a basic human instinct.  In our caveman days, being different to your tribe meant your chances of survival were next to none. It’s a part of self-preservation. 

So in the world of plonking yourself next to anyone, even the idea of choosing friends or choosing to stay on your own can feel impossible.

But hear me out.

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I find this quote really powerful. It is easy to think that we are strong enough to hold to our principles, to our Islam regardless of the group of people we surround ourselves with.

But whether we like it or not, we will become the culmination of all that we surround ourselves with. 

It's inevitable. 

As much as we’d like to think that we are completely grounded in ourselves and in our Islam to become influenced by others, the truth is the people we surround ourselves with daily determine the types of habits and worldviews we develop over time.

That is why our Prophet (pbuh) told us- 

In a world that obsesses over so much that pushes away from the remembrance of Allah - from reality TV and celebrity culture, to the university party scenes to the after-work drinking culture, choosing who you decide to spend your time with could never be more important.

When every break time is filled with chatter about the latest celebrity gossip, or when every evening you’re invited to a different drinking event, it is inevitable that the firm foundation you thought you had with your Islam, will slowly erode bit by bit.

 It’ll be hard for us to feel that difference. But it’s there.

The Prophet (pbuh) paints us that very picture in the famous Hadith of friendship -

We've all heard the explanation of this hadith - how good company means it will rub off on you in a positive way, while bad company does the opposite.

But I remember hearing this additional point that really stuck with me. It was about the blacksmith. For both the perfume seller or the blacksmith, you leave their place smelling of either perfume or smoke.

But with the blacksmith, it doesn’t stop there.

Because as you stand with him in his blacksmith shop, you breathe in all the harmful fumes within his shop. You visit him and breathe these fumes in, time and time again. You don’t realise, but your own health is deteriorating as a result. It harms you on a deeper hidden level, but you don’t see it.

And that’s the same impact friendships will have. It doesn’t just affect your speech patterns or the slang you use, it impacts you at the depth of your foundations.

I want to clarify, I’m not saying you cannot have non-practising friends or non-muslim friends, etc.

But your closest friends, the ones you spend the most time with - they should be people that remind you of Allah.

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Is it worth it?

I can’t emphasise enough how much this piece of advice helped me.

I wish I'd taken this advice more seriously earlier on. It was only from university I remember taking this advice seriously - to choose good friends or choose myself.

To be honest, at the start it was tough. It’s tough choosing your friends instead of the environment choosing it for you. It means there are days you will have lunch on your own, days you’ll walk to your next class on your own, days you take the bus on your own.

I've experienced all those scenarios, and it wasn't always easy.

But trust me, it’s worth it. 

1. You learn to be content with yourself.

In a world where status is given to the guy in the middle of the party, surrounded by throngs of people, it's very difficult to see sitting on your own at lunch as something attractive. Honestly, it is tough at the start. You just want to walk up to that table with all the girls who are chatting about their favorite reality TV star and the next concert they're going to.

You know they’re topics you try to keep away from, but it's better than sitting here on your own. 

But the more you do it, the more you see the beauty of being with yourself. You become stronger in your own beliefs, you become more confident in your sense of self. And you will see yourself blossom .

2. You will attract your type of people

And as you learn to blossom on your own, you will see people being placed into your life, from the places you least expect it, who will be ‘your people’. The type of people who love you for your Islam. Allah will place those people in your life almost as the reward for not choosing any friend for His sake.

Because doesn't He tell us -

So trust in Him.

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2 easy steps

If you’re starting your new beginning soon or even if you're not, but you really want to improve your circle of friends, I wanted to share with you the steps I take that have really helped me so far -

1. Dua - make lots and lots of dua

This is an overlooked, yet an obvious step.

Ever since I made the conscious decision to choose my social circle, making dua for it became my top priority. 

I was so desperate to have that type of company, that I would pray to Allah any chance I got - 'Ya Rabb, please surround me with people who will bring me closer to you. Ya Rab, please grant me friendships full of love and contentment and remembrance of You'. 

Nothing can change your situation, like a desperate dua can.

Apart from that, another dua I I absolutely love and one I constantly make is this - 

2. Place yourself in settings to meet these type of people

Whatever new beginning is waiting for you, put yourself in positions where you can meet good company - frequent the prayer rooms or the local masajid.  If you're in uni, join your Islamic Society. We trust in Him, but along with that, as Muslims we tie our camel. 

So go out your way to find these people, and see how Allah opens the doors for you.

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And that’s all for today, sis. I pray today's letter was beneficial for you and He accepts it from us all.

And I pray your new beginnings are filled with barakah, joy and beautiful good company.

Until next time,

Thasneema 🌻