Today I did something silly, but it ended up being the best accident ever.

It stared off as a normal day. I woke up, put my phone on charge, got ready for work, grabbed my keys and left home. I got to work and reached into my pocket while waiting for the lift. It was empty.

A moment of panic ensued, my hands flew about to all the other pockets on me. A flurry of thoughts whizzed through my mind - how will I pay for lunch, how will I get home, how will I…

‘Is everything ok?’ I turned to my right, to see my husband gazing down worriedly at me. I tell him I’ve left my phone at home. He smiles, shakes his head and gives me his work email to keep in contact instead. Hmm, I guess there isn’t too much for me to worry about, I think, as we both make our way into the lifts to head to our respective floors. 

The day, honestly, was an interesting one. My workload was pretty standard, but it was my experience of not having my phone with me that really stood out.

I didn’t realise how many times I reach out for my phone until this day. 

I always thought I was a peep without a phone problem. I mean, my slow replies are a constant topic of discussion amongst my family. I refuse to get Tiktok. And most of all…I blog. Who does that now? I am pretty much the definition of a Gen Z grandma. 

But apparently, even without Tiktok you can still have a phone problem, and I realised it today. Because after every call, after every task, or during every task that felt a teeny bit hard, I found my hand unconsciously feel about for the empty spot on the table for my phone.

And when no phone was located, my mind would ring alarm bells. My eyes would shoot up for a second, wondering where I left that extension of my arm. Only for it to hit a split second later that oh yes…it’s at home.

This was the scene at my desk for the first few hours or so.

But then after that was when the magic began. Something shifted. I felt the walls of the office disappear, the chatter from my coworkers around fizzle away. And all I saw was my excel sheets and numbers.

I was in a state of flow.

--

Later, I sat waiting by the reception of the building for my husband, replaying that feeling in my head.

My hand unconsciously went into my pocket. Here I had a few spare minutes - maybe I could reply to a few texts, find some funny reels to send a friend or…I could even do something productive and read for a bit.

But there was nothing there and so I sat. And watched. And tried my best to not look like a weirdo!

But, I guess that was the cost I had to pay. Because as I watched the rush of people walk past me, their heads all buried down in their phones, scanning their cards past the barriers…I felt my mind wander.

I felt it think back to the day and feel happy about how much work I did.

I felt it get excited about the hot cup of tea at home and maybe a croissant too.

I felt it sigh a big wholesome sigh

And after a long long time….I felt my mind just settle…just calm down.

I noticed how rushed and hurried all these people looked and I realised that’s how I must normally look too.

That was when I realised what a beautiful accident Allah had gifted me today.

I so badly wanted to jot down this thoughts but I had no Notes app. And so, since I’d embraced looking like a weirdo already, I put my hand into my bag and pulled out my notebook, opened the pages up and wrote.

—

This was a journal entry (albeit, slightly edited) that I wrote on the day I left my phone at home.

As I sat by the reception of the office, the idea was starting to form – how would it feel to not have a phone for a while? Should I try…a phone detox?

No, it felt too extreme. I had heard of people going on phone fasts or switching to brick phones before, and it always felt like…too much. I understand that phones could be a distraction, but aren’t there a gazillion other ways to control your phone usage? Why go to the extreme?

But something changed my mind.

It was when I reached home and went down a rabbit hole down the internet, trying to understand my experience that day. I came across this concept of ‘brain drain’. This was the idea that just having a smartphone around you can have an impact on your cognitive capacity, even if you are not using it. It’s because there is -

1. a constant mental struggle to not pick it up during your tasks

2. when you do pick it up, it takes double the energy to refocus on your current task.

Suddenly, my experience that morning made a lot of sense. I had tried limiting phone usage many ways before, but I hadn’t felt that mental clarity like I did that morning.

Suddenly, the idea of a phone detox really didn’t sound as extreme anymore. And now I was even more curious - how would it feel to not have a phone for a while? Would it really be as transformational as this one accident?

By the time the sun had set, I had decided – it was time to try a phone detox.

What I did

Unfortunately, I couldn’t keep my phone locked away completely. That wasn’t possible with the circumstances I was in this Ramadan.

Instead, I decided I would take three steps to have as much of a detox as possible -

1. I deleted all social media apps

2. I switched off all my notifications except for text message, informing everyone to text me if they needed me since I was planning to limit my phone usage.

3. And on the days I was at home, I kept my phone switched off in my bedroom wardrobe, buried into my hijab box (lol).

And then Ramadan began.

The detox experience

As with everything, there was the good, the bad and the ugly. 

Off the bat, the mental freeness I felt from that day continued. It felt like this invisible cord to my device had just been cut off.

But saying that, the first week or so still did feel weird. I would find myself reaching out for my phone in between tasks to find nothing. And after work or cooking iftar, I’d slump onto the couch to have a bit of a break. But not really know exactly how to. I didn’t want to jump into another task already, but I had no phone to chill with. As a result, I found myself staring at the ceiling into nothing at times.

With it being Ramadan though, it wasn’t as bad. Having more time was perfect. I could spend those special moments in between tasks doing dhikr, which meant I was surpassing my dhikr goals easily.

It was also a bit inconvenient. I realised I used my phone for so much of my life - from my Quran, to my morning duas to finding recipes for Iftar. I had to adjust things a lot at the start, and at times it did feel more time-consuming.

I was also worried about my future as a writer. My main method of sharing my writings was social media platforms like Instagram. Leaving that platform for a whole month meant there would be serious consequences to my reach after. Whether I liked it or not, the algo required you to show up constantly if you wanted to grow in any way, and I had almost sabotaged that for myself.

So…was it a good idea or not?

Yes, yes it was.

The cons I mentioned above? Most of these cons turn into pros by the end of the month. It reached a point that by the time Eid arrived, I didn’t want to stop my phone detox…ever.

I still had bad days, less productive days, days I woke up anxious and everything in between. But did things change? Yes. Over the course of the 6 weeks, at a slow and steady pace, it did.

And more dramatically than I was expecting. 

—

The lack of post-work downtime activities? Staring into the ceiling became my way of reflecting back on my day, speaking to my Lord through whispered prayers and a space for new ideas to spark. On top of that, around 2 weeks into the detox, I fell back into the world of handwritten journaling. 4 weeks in, I reconnected with art. And 5 weeks in, I took up daily walks. 

All these were activities and hobbies that I used to love and thrive in. But I had long abandoned them due to ‘life getting busy’. I had abandoned my handwritten journal for years now and resorted to my Notion journal to ‘save time’. My oil pastels and paints were stored away in my old home, as it felt like a waste of time. My plans for exercise always fell through, as there was always ‘too much happening’. But this detox showed me that in the pursuit of being ‘more productive’, ‘more efficient’ and ‘more successful’, I had lost what was important to me.

The inconvenience of going analogue? Sometimes still an inconvenience! But the biggest gain was the focus time I was getting for each task. Within the same amount of time, I was getting more done, simply because I had no notification bar to pull down. 

The worries of not becoming a writer? They still exist. But I realised, Instagram was not the platform for me. Over the month, I saw how much brain space Instagram had taken away from me, from spending hours trying to cut down my blog posts to 220 character captions to staying active on stories to keep the algorithm happy. I was spending more time on ‘strategy’ than writing instead. I’m not too sure what the road ahead for me is in the writing path, but I know I took the right decision. I’m actually writing more, so that’s a good start! I pray that Allah opens better doors for me.

—

But that is why when Eid arrived, and I was free to finish this detox, I couldn’t quite bring myself to download everything again. 

Too much had changed. The brain space I’d gained back was too much, the changes in my lifestyle too great.

Instead, I deleted Gmail from my phone too!

And that is where I am at today.

Final thoughts (for part 1!)

Wow, I have written a lot! Honestly, I have a few more thoughts to share with you on this experience, mainly the effect on my ibadah, my plan going forward and resources for you (if the phone detox idea seems interesting). I really want to take my time with this topic to really show you why my Ramadan detox turned into a way of life instead.

But I know todays letter has already becoming really long, so I will keep that for next week, inshaAllah. So do stick along!

Also, if you follow me on Instagram, you would’ve seen that I’m taking a step back from that world. I don’t know when I’ll be back there, but one of the things I loved the most about instagram was the community I formed. I would love to form something like that here too. So, I want you to know my inbox is always open. I may be writing letters to you, but I’m always happy to receive some too ☺️

InshaAllah, see you next week.

From your sis in thought,

Thasneema 🌻